Folk wisdom and research tell us that children "learn what they live."

This is true for things that are good, kind, and lovely. And unforunately it is also true for things that are bad, ugly, and violent.
A soon-to-be published article in Social Psychological and Personality Science confirms that exposure to violence 'normalises' it.


Close to 800 children (aged between 8 and 12 years) were surveyed about the violence they witnessed. This could include violence at school, within their neighbourhood, and at home. They were also asked about exposure to violence on television.

Participants were also asked whether they were victims of violence ("How often has somebody hit you at home?")

Children were asked about their general beliefs regarding violence ("Sometimes you have to hit others because they deserve it.") and their aggression was surveyed via their own reports as well as via reports of their peers.

Six months after initial surveys, the children were again asked to complete the questionnaires about exposure to violence (as a witness and as a victim), beliefs about violence, and level of personal violent behaviour they personally exhibited.

When children were witnesses of violence, or victims of violence, their beliefs changed. As violence entered their lives, they began to see it as a normal way of life. Their experience of violence led them to see it as an appropriate and normal way to act. Violence became acceptable and was perceived as a way to exert influence, mete out punishment, and generally get things 'done'.

Witnessing violence also had a delayed effect - observing violence at the first phase of the study predicted more aggression six months later, over and above how aggressive the children were in the beginning.

In other words, the more violence that was witnessed or experienced, the more aggressive the child became.
"Exposure to violence can also increase aggression regardless of whether at home, at school, in or in the virtual world of TV, regardless of whether the person is a witness or a victim," the authors wrote. "People exposed to a heavy diet of violence come to believe that aggression is a normal way to solve conflict and get what you want in life. These beliefs lower their inhibitions against aggression against others."

What does this mean for parents?

Violence at home, on tv, the computer, or at school, will teach our children that violence is 'ok'. The more our children are exposed to it, the more violent they will be. It is up to us to regulate our own emotions to ensure violence and aggression are not present in our behaviour. And it is up to us to teach our children more effective ways of dealing with challenges and conflicts, rather than being aggressive.

Orue, I., Bushman, B. J., Calvete, E., Thomaes, S., de Castro, B. O., & Hutterman, R. (2011). Monkey see, monkey do, monkey hurt: Longitudinal effects of exposure to violence on children's aggressive behavior. Social Psychological and Personality Science. Published online Jan 10 2011. DOI 10.1177/1948550610396586